How Your Partner Can Prepare

May 23
4 min read

Updated: Jul 28

IVF is often spoken about as if it’s a “women’s journey.”

The injections, the hormones, the scans, the bloating - they all happen in your body, so naturally the focus falls on you. But behind the scenes, many partners genuinely want to help and have no idea what to do. Some panic or overcompensate. Some quietly freeze semen into a cup and think their part is done.

A partner’s role matters more than people think. Sperm health matters. Emotional support matters. Lifestyle choices matter. Your partner might not have to inject themselves or be internally scanned, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be there for you.

Let’s Start With Sperm Quality (because it really does matter)

Sperm take around 42-76 days to develop, which means whatever your partner does in the three months before IVF can genuinely influence the quality. This doesn’t guarantee success, but it helps create the best conditions possible.

The simplest, most effective things they can do:

Stop smoking and cut alcohol right down. Both damage sperm quality more than most people realise, even in men with “normal” results.
Reduce caffeine. One coffee a day is fine. Six coffees and an energy drink? Not so much.
Heat is the enemy – tight underwear, hot baths, saunas, laptops on the lap… sperm don’t love any of it.
Move more. Exercise improves everything from motility to hormone balance.
Eat real food. Protein, different coloured vegetables, healthy fats, whole grains - and fewer deep-fried beige meals.
Reduce stress. Cortisol affects male hormones too, even if they pretend otherwise.

None of this has to be extreme. Small, consistent changes can be a great help.

If supplements are part of your plan (and they often are), the ones most commonly supported by research include(1)(2):

Omega-3

Vitamin D

Zinc

CoQ10

L-carnitine

It is actually thought to be best to buy a supplement specifically formulated to help sperm health because high doses of strong antioxidants can actually lead to decondensation (Decondensation in sperm caused by strong antioxidants is an adverse effect resulting from a condition called reductive stress, where an excess of antioxidants disrupts the normal balance of oxidation and reduction (redox balance) required for proper sperm function), which can lead to sperm DNA fragmentation.

There are plenty of these on the market – Rejoova, Male Preconception, Proxeed Plus, ZitaWest Make Fertility Plus Pack.

I am single and used donor sperm so never had to experiment with antioxidants and supplements, but I know men who also took Chinese herbs, with ashwagandha being the one that seemed to have the most benefit.

It is also worth noting that supplements work best when the lifestyle supports them - not as a magic pill on top of beer and takeaways.

The Semen Analysis Reality Check

If you’re at the beginning of treatment, your partner will probably have a semen analysis. This can be confronting - especially if the results aren’t perfect.

Most men assume sperm are either “fine” or “not fine.”

In reality, analyses measure multiple things: motility, morphology, count, volume, DNA fragmentation, and more.

It’s normal for one or more numbers to be slightly off. It’s normal to need ICSI even with “good” sperm.

Here are normal parameters (these can differ by country or expert but are a rough guideline:

Optimal Volume: Ideally, between 1.5 to 5 ml, roughly equivalent to one teaspoon.

Healthy Concentration: More than 20 million sperm per ml, with a total count exceeding 40 million per ejaculate.

Adequate Motility: At least 40% of sperm should be active and moving.

Proper Morphology: Over 30% of sperm should have a normal shape for fertility.

Forward Movement: The majority of sperm should demonstrate effective forward progression.

Normal Viscosity: Semen should gel initially but liquefy within thirty minutes after ejaculation.

Balanced pH: Sperm should be alkaline, which helps protect them from the acidic environment of the vagina.

No Antisperm Antibodies: The presence of these antibodies can impair sperm movement and contribute to infertility.

DNA fragmentation: <15% excellent/normal, 15-25% may reduce conception rates, 25-30% high/abnormal, >40% very high

And it’s normal for partners to feel a punch of guilt if something’s not ideal.

But IVF is rarely because of one person. It’s a combined, shared journey - and what matters is how you move forward together, not whose numbers are “to blame.”

If DNA fragmentation testing has been recommended, lifestyle changes and antioxidants make a meaningful difference for many couples.

Your Partner’s Job During IVF:

Not to “fix” things - but to support you.

IVF can make you feel vulnerable, exhausted, and more hormonal than you thought possible. You’re not asking them to become a fertility expert. You’re asking them to be supportive.

Support from a partner can look like:

Going to the key appointments (first consultation, egg collection, transfer).
Doing the injections for you - or sitting next to you while you do them.
Handling dinner when you feel rubbish.
Doing more around the house so you’re not overwhelmed.
Being patient when your emotions swing unexpectedly.
Listening - without problem-solving.
Checking in with “What do you need tonight?”

If They Feel Helpless - That’s Normal

Many partners feel like they have the “easy job.”

They see the injections, the bloating, the scans - and feel clueless about what they’re meant to do.

It can help to tell them directly:

“What I need isn’t advice - just comfort.”
“I don’t need solutions. I need support.”
“I need you to take over X this week.”
“When I’m upset, please don’t try to minimise it.”

You’re not nagging. You’re communicating. Partners can’t read minds - even the good ones.

On Egg Collection Day, Their Role Is Bigger Than They Think

Whether they admit it or not, partners are often nervous on egg collection day. They want to be strong, but it’s emotional for them too.

Their job on this day is simple:

Keep you calm
Bring snacks
Drive you home
And not say anything stupid

As well as the most important part of all – providing their sperm sample so that your eggs can be fertilised (which they will definitely be nervous about).

Reassurance goes a long way: “I’m proud of you.” “You’re doing so well.” “No matter what happens, we’re in this together.”